This is the story of General Hero and his "semi-retired" villainous wife, Lady Malice, as they live their extra-ordinary lives. The show has super villains, superheroes, and lots of characters in between. The video listed is a sample of the podcast. You can find episodes 1-5 already out, and they give you an idea of our series. It is a comedy, but there's plenty of action and heart for everyone.
Okay, first off I am a henchperson, a minion is a derogatory term for mindless goons and/or thugs. Secondly, why are you talking to yourself in that dramatic voice?
That man is legendary in our guild. He's like the oldest living acting member of the guild. The rest have either been killed by villains or accidentally decommissioned by heroes. General Hero alone has punched most of our guild into walls or into the hospital.
*sigh* Listen, if you're not careful, you're going to get hurt or something, and the last thing I need is to go back to the guild. As it is you were the last assignment available, it's why I got stuck here with you in the first place.
I am sorry, sir, but you did after all wish for me to remind you of that diet you're supposed to be on. I cannot allow you to- It appears you have scratch my face again. Very good, sirâ€¦
Are you suggesting that I have what it takes to beat Malice, sir? Now that is a high compliment.
Of course, why wouldn't you be talking to your food, you obese furball.
I'm a real handyman, if you know what I mean. I can be in two places at once, if you catch my drift. I'm the kind of guy most girls can't wait to get their hands on.
Gripper, man, that gal could have her hands all over me if she wanted. IF you know what I mean. *cough*Sex*cough*.
Oh don't get me started. So, there we were, in the middle of a heist, and she just slips right out and leaves one of my clones to take the blame. I mean who does that? Oh, and she shocked me so hard that I'm pretty sure that clone just turned into a puddle of...well you get the idea.
Well, you see, you know how screaming people run by you and try to grab you, or when they're on the ground and they try to snag you? Some guy thought it'd be a good idea to grab on to me while he was on the ground. Like, really dude, what am I supposed to do, help you? Yeah right. Electricity to the face! He's dead now.
Please, hand me a barf bag instead. Now, according to the intell we got on the place, the staff of Syrinx is located somewhere in the basement. It may have already been transferred to the third floor exhibit on ancient technologies.
Oooh, that looks like it hurts. You know, if I keep twisting a little bit more, I'm fairly certain I can rip your arm clean off. Well, as cleanly as anyone could, considering the amount of blood that could come gushing out. Just sayin'.
I am Commander Rick Anger, the leader of the Safe-guardians of the World by Observing, Reconnaissance, Defense and Strategy. Or S.W.O.R.D.S. because that is a lot of words to say in a damn sentence. And I'm the one keeping this show going.
Alright, we'll need a new plan then. I'm calling Katia. She and Kommissar Kane might be able to bring it down from the inside. Now, where in the HELL are those other heroes? We don't have time to be waiting for that stupid thing to go off in the middle of a jam packed city. Tell me again, Mayor, how much was this guy asking for?
Well it sounds like you know a lot more than you're telling me. I'm going down to help my team, and your poor, sorry ass excuse for a got damn city. I WILL be seeing you again, Mister Mayor.
You there, puny mortal with the many similar faces, give up now or face the might of the Aztec god of Lightning and Death, Xolotl!
On this fair human place? How dare you attempt to destroy the smog filled streets, the taco vendors who peddle their chicharrones to the other peasants. The merriment pleases Xolotl! Why wouldst thou wish to besmirch such a wondrous city, cabron?
It is most refreshing, indeed. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GODS!
Sorry, ya know I drool when I'm excited. I get excited a lot. Like right now.
I love chewing on things. Feels good against me teeth. I could do that all day. In fact, I think I will.
Oi, boss, where's that voice coming from? I don't see nobody. This car ain't haunted is it? I can start barking to make it go away!
I AM LONG FANG! WHAT APPEARS TO BE THE ISSUE?
Long Fang is a businessman, but he always returns to the ring. NOW WHAT IS IT YOU WISH TO TELL ME? (pause) I SEE. HOW CAN I, LONG FANG, THE MAGNIFICENT LUCHADOR, HELP YOU THREE OUT OF MY BANK?
WHILE LONG FANG IS NOT ONE TO TURN DOWN A CHALLENGE, I AM ALSO CONTRACT BOUND TO NOT FIGHT OUR BANK HERO. IT WOULD BRING SHAME AND DISHONOR TO THIS BANK.
Ding Dong! At doorstep, a humble delivery driver, cast dismayingly as demon and defender by the disquietude of fate. This dim demeanor, no mere display of daring, is a descendent of the doctors, now diminished, deceased. However, this disarming deposition of a bygone daybreak stands driven, and has determined to destroy those devious and disgusting, despicable, derelicts defending decadence of the distinguished who disregard those disenfranchised. Deciding with no difficult for destiny. The only decision is death; a dealing held as a devotion, not only in desire, for the deactivation and disrepair of such shall one day deem those dispatchers and the decent. Definitely, the dinner of diction most distinguished, so let me simply add that it is my pleasure to meet you and you may call me "D."
If she's so powerful, why did she get suckered into marrying an idiot like you? All you do is punch people and act like a buffoon. You've done nothing to show that you're the hero you claim to be. And if she's so powerful, why didn't SHE come and stop me? You're just a man in a red, white, and blue cape who thinks that he can do whatever he wants just because he can fly and use violence. You try to oppress us women by saving their lives, because you think they can't save their own. You think women are weak.
It's alright, General Hero, after all I am non-violent or aggressive, or else I would have pointed out that I don't go around wearing diapers or a bib. Perhaps you should learn a few things about being passive before-
I am doing well. Except for the bruises, and partial concussion. Sure.
Could you at least get me down from this wall, please? It's quite painful.
Greetings Megalopolis, my name is PumpKing and I'm here to spread the Gospel...of Fear! (Maniacal Laughter) It's Halloween, and it's the best time of the year for all of the little children of the world, and their snotty parents, to feel the terror of a thousand nightmares! And I'm going to be giving that to all of you.
Every year, citizens of Megalopolis consume at least 10,000 pounds of candy in an entire year, most of which is eaten and given out on this very day. Now, you're probably worried, aren't you? You should be (more laughter) because I've added a little something extra in the candy you're currently consuming.
You know, Jorge, you really shouldn't be so hard on Herr Drosselmeyer. My husband is suffering, greatly, but he gives every ounce of his strength for us, he does everything for us. He's wonderful. You just can't see it.
Porcelain, my name is Porcelain. I used to be called Elaine, but that was...forever ago it seems.
I was a woman once. I think. I know I was...human. But Herr Drosselmeyer fixed me. He said, this way I will never be able to break again. I would never be hurt, and he would never see me suffer again. I don't feel any different, but...I can't seem to feel anything anymoreâ€¦
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